Law of Attraction

Many say that the law of attraction is vital to getting what you want out of life and, although, I have been a believer and naysayer over the years, I’m just beginning to really understand it.  Basically, the law of attraction states that what you think and believe grows and manifests.  So, if you think you’ll get the promotion, great partner, tons of money and the perfect body, you’ll get it.  Seems easy, right?  Then why don’t we have what we think we want?

There are a lot of reasons why the law of attraction doesn’t work but the most powerful is that what you mean and what you think can be diametrically opposed.  For example, you can think, say and affirm that “you are not your weight” but if you don’t mean or feel that’s true in your body and soul then you are at odds.  More importantly, the Universe gets confused and will go with what you mean/feel and not what you say, thereby, voiding the affirmation you think and say.

The trick to the law of attraction is to get your thoughts and feelings to align.  This isn’t so easy because I have been on a quest to figure out how to do this for the last 18 months!  What has worked for me is realizing that “I’m The Only One” has the answers (I included a link to my blog post here).  If I pay attention to external forces to approve of myself, I will NEVER think I’m OK, if I let external forces define my thoughts and beliefs then I will always be misaligned.

In order to align, start by discovering what you feel and mean about yourself.  Do you REALLY, deep down in your soul believe that you’re not good enough because you’re not the perfect weight or eating the perfect diet?  Or is this belief a result of thoughts planted by external forces?  Feelings and beliefs should drive thoughts, not the other way around.  We often get it confused and let negative, externally influenced thoughts play on repeat to form our beliefs.  Self-discovery into how we REALLY feel about ourselves will usually uncover that we ARE OK and that we love ourselves once we push aside the toxic thoughts.  This is the stuff that makes the law of attraction work for us and get us a life filled with joy, peace and love.

Here are a few resources I like on the law of attraction:

  1. E-Squared by Pam Grout:
  2. Esther Hicks Video:

Happy Memorial Day!
I have been out and about in New York’s beautiful Hudson Valley because summer is officially here!  I encourage you to get out and enjoy the weather even if you’re not the “perfect” weight or your shorts from last year don’t fit.  Remember, it’s a choice to live joyfully and with self-love.  Don’t let your dark thoughts keep you from having fun in the summer!
Have a healthy and safe Memorial Day and…enjoy, live and love!

Stomach Hunger

Stomach hunger is the 4th type of hunger Jan Chozen Bays, MD identifies in her book, “Mindful Eating” and it is very complex to explain but I will try using quotes from her book and my commentary at the end.

Dr. Bays writes:

“Often hunger is described as gnawing, as if an animal were eating at our insides.  It growls and complains until we throw food down the tunnel to placate it.  However, the notion that the stomach tells us when we must feed it is not correct.  We actually tell the stomach when to be hungry.  This occurs through our eating habits.”

“If you fast for over three days, the hunger pangs and growling disappear.  The abdomen feels flat, quiet and comfortable.  This tells us that stomach hunger is not a permanent, solid feature of our lives, one whose urging we must obey.  It’s our body hunger that is more fundamental and important to learn to feel.”

“On the other hand, if we ignore sensations of hunger, we’ll get in trouble too.  We have to walk the middle way with hunger.  This means to be aware of signs of hunger in the whole body, not just the hunger signals from a stomach that demands food at the same time every day.  It means not to be upset if our stomach is growling but we can’t eat right away or we need to eat less.  It also means not ignoring our body when it tells us it needs quality fuel.

Sometimes we mistake hunger for acid reflux or feelings of anxiety.  We eat more thinking that will “fill” us up to relieve the symptoms but that makes the discomfort worse because we are exacerbating the reflux or anxiety.  “The cure is to sit down and take care of myself in the proper way.  I assess hunger in the eyes, mouth, and stomach.  I acknowledge that my stomach is helping me by signaling my anxiety.  I thank it for its message and promise to attend to my real needs.”

“In our workshops on mindful eating we have found that many people are completely unaware of stomach hunger.  They are mystified about how to go about assessing the experience of their stomach and cannot get a read on whether their stomachs are full, half full, or empty.  It is a revelation for many people to find that they can begin to “listen” to the stomach and act upon its intelligence.  When we are able to do this, very often we find that we are about to put food into a stomach that actually is not hungry, a stomach that asks us to wait for a while and reassess for hunger in a few hours.  It is a good feeling to begin to live in harmony with our body, to learn from its wisdom.”

Confusing, right?  It can be, especially for those of us who binge because we rarely check in to see if we’re hungry before eating (some of us do, most of us don’t).  I know many people who don’t know what hunger feels like and only a pattern of normalized eating and embodiment helps us uncover that body wisdom.  It is very important to have the ability to identify stomach hunger in staving off the urge to binge.  I work on this with my coaching clients because it forms a foundation for a strategy I use for binge avoidance.

Dr. Bays suggests the following exercise to get in touch with stomach hunger, “When you sit down to eat, take a few seconds to assess stomach hunger on a scale from zero to ten, zero being not hungry and ten being “starving.”  After you’ve eaten half your food, stop eating and take a few seconds to assess stomach hunger again.  At the end of the meal, assess stomach hunger again.  To satisfy stomach hunger we need to feed the stomach just enough food, let it do its work, and then let it rest.  As we eat we need to pause periodically to check in with the stomach to discern when it is becoming comfortably full.”

This is why slow eating is so important, it not only allows body wisdom to guide how much you eat but it also eliminates a stress response to eating that shuts down calorie burning and metabolic function (this is a topic for another blog and it will blow your mind!).

Hit the comments and let me know how this exercise worked for you!


The Choice Is Yours!

I’m going to continue with the body image discussion that I started over the last few days because it is such a huge, painful and elusive topic!

In the “I’m The Only One” post, I state that you are the only one who can give approval that can truly impact self-esteem.  Not that others opinions don’t matter but we can’t rely on them to be the foundation of our self-worth or body image.  If we did, we would never be at peace with who we are.  We will never receive the approval of all 7 billion people in the world or 318,000,000 in the US.  There are as many opinions about how we look and how we conduct ourselves as there are people in the world and we do not have the power to make EVERYONE approve.

We DO have the power to approve of ourselves.  We DO have the power to behave with self-respect, maintain good relationships and follow our passions.  We DO have the power to nourish our bodies, challenge our mind, fulfill our heart and elevate our soul.  We also have the power to crush ourselves with one look in the mirror.

The choice is yours…will you choose to believe in the power of your own approval in order to create a happy life or will you turn to self-hatred and continue on a path of slow self-destruction?   What will you choose?

Painful Mirrors

Please see below for a comment I received regarding yesterday’s post:

“It is extremely hard for overweight people to look in the mirror. I have not had mirrors in my house for years. I finally put one 3 years ago, it is a medium size mirror which only allows you to look at your top body parts.  By not looking at myself, I have put myself in total denial, but it was the only way to bear with my emotional sufferings. And even though a lot of Eastern beliefs identify our bodies as temporary vests, we still create one whole. In order to make a progress in eating it is to accept the way we look, however, it seems unbearable and extremely painful to live with what our bodies are like for today.”

This is not an uncommon reaction to mirror work and I know the pain in this comment because I have endured it myself.  Mirror work is a paradox.  On one hand, it is the first step in seeing our bodies for what they really are which is the only way to acceptance.  On the other hand, we are more than our physical bodies meaning our self worth isn’t defined by our exterior but what exists in our soul so why put stake in looking at the shell?  Hence, there is a very delicate balance here. 

I suggest that the pain resulting from mirror work is not because we hate our bodies but because we are hurting in other areas of our life.  Our body is the scapegoat.  If our lives were fulfilled by healthy relationships, fulfilled work experiences and a peaceful mind, heart and soul, our weight will stabilize to its natural state.  I know, this sounds crazy and it’s a rumor until you experience it. 

Achieving this sense of peace doesn’t happen overnight and takes practice (I can help you through coaching!) so, in the meantime, feel the pain (don’t binge about it) and do your best to accept the reality.  Be ferocious in defending yourself against those hateful thoughts about your body because they are not true despite what we have been conditioned to believe.  Think about when you’ve been at a goal weight – were your thoughts different?  Were they nicer or were you still hating on your body because your thighs were too jiggly or your stomach stuck out too much?  

The idea here is to stop living in a constant state of hate, accept what is and make peace with it.  I’m not gonna lie, there will be pain involved in this process but it is temporary and more easily endured than living in a constant state of hate, even when you hit the “perfect” weight. 

Contact me here to learn more about Eating Psychology Coaching services!

Reflections on Eating Psych Conference

In last Saturday’s post I encouraged you to discover what’s blocking your flow.  I did the exercise and realized that my denial goes much deeper than I thought and wrote about back in March (check out that post) and that is what’s blocking my flow.  In the post, I mention that, during the most severe phase of my eating disorder, I was in denial but this weekend’s exercise proved I only looked at the surface of that denial.  So, to try and “unblock” myself, I took in a good dose of reality about situations where I was blind to what was really happening in relationships, with work and, most importantly, with my body.

Have you ever really looked at your body (naked and in the mirror)?  I know, it’s a totally scary thing to do!  Well, I really looked at mine this weekend and saw my reality and the resulting feelings ranged from sadness, confusion, pain, regret and, finally, to acceptance.  I wondered…who is this woman and how did she become the way she is and looks?  The answer is that I am NOT my body and my identity is not tied to my outer layer but to my inner core.  I still have feelings of anxiety about my weight and appearance but, when I faced it and accepted the reality of it, the anxiety almost went away entirely!

My mentor, Marc David teaches us to “love what is” but you can only do that when you know the reality of “what is”?  I challenge you to look…really look…at your life and your body to find out “what is” because only then can you accept and unblock your flow.

Negative Thoughts

What do negative thoughts, in this case, about body image or that perpetuate the belief that “I’m not good enough or deserving of love” get you?  What’s the point of thinking them constantly when they only provoke feelings of self-loathing?  We hold onto them because, on a deep soul level, we fear what releasing the negativity would mean.  It would mean change, it would mean getting the life we’ve always desired and it would mean we’d be walking into the unknown.  This unknown can be scary but so is the known where we are suffering.  I don’t know about you but I’d rather venture into unknown territory with the potential to be amazing than stay in the known that is torturous.  It all comes down to choosing your hard.

Heading Home

Today I’m headed back to NY after an amazing and enlightening conference experience.  We learned, in the most remarkable way, about coaching clients    as our teacher, leader and mentor, Marc David coached us as we shared our stories.  He led us through journaling exercises that had us digging deep which brought about revelations for most of us.  It wasn’t a conference where we were talked at or information was regurgitated.  It was a soulful experience of self – exploration with a group of people who were kind, loving and brave.  All this while we laughed and had fun!  I’ve never been in a room with 200 people who were as compassionate, accepting, smart, courageous and committed to paying forward a message of self-love and joyful living as this tribe.   I am so honored, humbled and grateful to be a part of this community.

In the coming days, I’ll be sharing my revelations and giving tips on how to have your own breakthroughs.  I need a little time to process this experience!

Thanks to Marc David, Emily Rosen and the IPE staff for making this program not just a coaching certification course but a life altering experience. You are all truly amazing.

Eating Psych Conference Day 2

Day 2 was inspirational with more amazing and uplifting stories. We performed an exercise where we reflected on what was blocking our flow. Where in our lives are things not quite working out or what outcomes are just out of our reach? How are we putting up barriers to getting what we desire? Go to your peaceful spot, ask the question and see what comes up. This exercise is easier than you think but can have a profound impact on your life. Once you work through it, see how your life improves and how things finally start to head in the right direction. Feel like sharing what you uncover? I’ll be watching the comments with excited anticipation!