I think this is the million dollar question! Why don’t we do the things we know are going to make us feel nourished, more fulfilled and healthier? My answer is that it’s different for different people because everyone has their own unique experiences and circumstances.
I don’t do the things that are good for me because sometimes it’s easier to fall into old patterns because they’re more comfortable. Maybe I think I don’t deserve those good things because I’m not a size 6. I could go on for hours but I encourage you to think about what may be holding you back from living a more fulfilled and joyful life and please share your thoughts in the comments. I’d love to hear from you!
Last night was the first night of Passover, the Jewish holiday where no leavened bread is eaten and matzoh is substituted. This is a type of restriction even though there is a substitute. We all know that restriction (of any type) leads to a binge. Therein lies the dilemma…to restrict bread or not?
I think the decision depends on the person so here are a few questions to ask yourself. Are you religious? Does the meaning behind the ritual mean something to you besides just doing what you’ve always done, what’s expected or because other people think you should? Does restricting bread feel like deprivation? Does eating matzoh for 7 days make you feel good physically? Do you need to observe the “no bread” thing for the entire 7 days? After answering these questions, the decision can be made.
I will be having matzoh and the traditional meals made with it but if I want leavened bread, I will have it. But, I know I won’t be perfect because that’s not what I strive for anymore and that’s good enough for me. 🙂
I know, I know. I write A LOT about emotions because I’ve suppressed mine for so long that feeling them is fascinating. That’s why I write about them so much.
So, here’s the question:
Can you name 8 emotions?
I believe you’ll find that this isn’t as easy as you think. Share your answers in the comments, please….I’d love to know what you’re feeling 😉
I have been crying a lot lately – it’s a normal part of processing and transforming, so I’m told. It’s interesting how your face changes and how your body feels after a good cry. I notice that my eyes become a deep green even though they are red-rimmed. What do you notice when you cry?
My VERY wise friend says that, when someone says something critical, they aren’t criticizing the person but the action. Our first inclination in these situations is to personalize the criticism and make it about the person but it’s really not about that. There are so many reasons why people criticize and most of them have nothing to do with the one being criticized. It goes back to having a strong sense of self-worth to minimize the effect of the criticism. Too bad it’s not so easy to remember in the heat of the moment.
There are many emotions that we don’t want to feel but not wanting to feel them is like not wanting our true selves to emerge. If we are our feelings and we avoid them, then we avoid ourselves. Additionally, the things we do to avoid the emotions is a form of self-hate since many of them are destructive.
I’ve come to the conclusion that there isn’t a healthy way to avoid our emotions without avoiding or hurting ourselves.
This is what I know about a binge. The very issue or feeling I’m trying to escape eventually needs to be felt. Unfortunately, escaping in the form of a binge results in additional bad feelings (i.e. shame, guilt).
In the end, bingeing just doubles the negative feelings that need to be processed. It’s such a great coping mechanism in the moment but leaves tremendous damage in its wake.
I’m always working to improve my eating patterns and behaviors. One of the most important nutritional principles is achieving a good macronutrient balance which means including protein, healthy fats and healthy carbohydrates at each meal. I find that getting the protein in is hardest for me.
Eating this way does require planning but my body runs more efficiently and I feel so much better when I make the effort. Try it – you just might discover something new about your eating preferences!
I have a need to intellectually understand my binge-eating disorder so I read A LOT! One of the books that is really resonating is by Mary O’Malley entitled The Gift of Our Compulsions. Ms. O’Malley writes:
“We live in a story in our heads that is always trying to get us to “do” life, telling us we need to make ourselves and our lives better or different from what they are. In our endless trying, we have forgotten the awesome power of simply paying attention to what we are experiencing in this moment. We have forgotten how to be. We have also forgotten how to trust ourselves, to trust our lives, and to live in joy. So we turn to our compulsions to numb ourselves out from all our struggles, only to find ourselves struggling with our compulsions.”
I tend to jump into things as “all or nothing” with no gray area in between which is quite common for those with eating disorders. Therefore, it has been extremely important for me to learn that the uncomfortable gray area is a wonderful place.
For example, I’m a Diet Coke drinker – it’s my chosen from of caffeine in the morning and I have been wanting to stop drinking it for a while. I even went so far as to bet my friend that I could stop drinking the stuff for a month – I won the bet and got a great sushi dinner! Unfortunately, I was back to the morning fix in no time. This was my all or nothing way to stop the behavior. This time, I’ve decided that I won’t make the edict that I stop drinking Diet Coke but I won’t make it easily accessible to me either. This way, I have to go out of my way to get it in the morning so I can decide if the fix is worth the inconvenience or not.
I’ve found this to be a wonderful solution – allowing myself to have it (if I want to make the effort) seems like a gentler way to stop the habit than a “force quit.” The gray area is more forgiving and gives me permission to be perfectly flawed! 🙂