When I was in the throes of my eating disorder, I isolated a lot meaning I spent a lot of time alone instead of going out to socialize. I used to think this was because I wanted to stay home and eat but I think it was really about trying to avoid the anxiety and discomfort I felt when I went out. Since I expended so much energy on numbing my feelings through bingeing, I didn’t realize that I was anxious about going out at my current weight (whatever it was at the time).
Over the last week, while on vacation, I socialized each day with varying levels of anxiety. Some days the anxiety was low and others it was high. It wasn’t until I began to look at this that I realized I always had this anxiety but, this time, I didn’t numb through bingeing so I was aware of the feelings. I love how I’ve been transforming for almost 2 years now and am STILL learning about my disorder. With each lesson, I’m a step closer to a healthier relationship with food.