Category Archives: Coaching Tips

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

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I propose that the word “should” be eliminated from our vocabulary.  “Should” is used to refer to something probable or expected.  I especially believe that this word not be used when telling someone how to feel.  For example, “You shouldn’t feel that way.”  The reality is that you do!

Whenever I use this word, it implies that I’m not doing something that is expected. I very rarely explore if the expectation results from external or internal forces or is truly what I believe to be true.  Most of my “shoulds” are created by unknown others so I’m trying to meet standards with which I don’t agree.  My self-imposed “shoulds” only serve to make me feel inadequate and reinforces my belief that I’m not good enough.  So, I should remove the word from my vocabulary but will I and can I?

Mindfulness

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I became very interested in Buddhism when I began to see a therapist who uses mindfulness as one strategy to treat me and my Binge-Eating Disorder.  Thanks to her, I practice mindfulness meditation once a day and mindfulness throughout the day which is at the heart of Buddha’s teachings.

Thich Nhat Hanh is a Vietnamese Buddhist monk who writes, “When we are mindful, touching deeply the present moment, the fruits are always understanding, acceptance, love, and the desire to relieve suffering and bring joy.”  

Since I started practicing mindfulness (and when I remember to focus on the present moment!), I find myself less stressed out, less annoyed and more tolerant.  Focusing on the present moment allows for thoughtful processing of situations instead of knee jerk reactions causing regretful behavior.  As with most things, I work at this everyday but it’s not a burden, it’s my blessing.  Enjoy, live and love today!