I was discharged from my treatment center earlier than normal at my request.  You see, I was very uncomfortable in my Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) and I felt attending was doing more harm than good and causing undue stress.  I was back to work full time and driving an hour each way to treatment 3 nights per week after working a full day was a real drag, especially at 9 at night.

The protocol upon discharge was to continue with individual therapy and nutrition counseling.  Unfortunately, due to insurance reasons I was unable to see the therapist and nutritionist assigned to me at my treatment center so the continuity of care was severed.  I had to start with a brand new therapist and nutritionist and tell my story all over again.  It was an emotionally challenging experience to open up about my eating disorder the first time and the second time wasn’t much easier.  I felt lost with nowhere to turn because the treatment center was no longer a good option (for many reasons) and the new folks, although well-meaning, just weren’t helpful.   So, I binged.

A key strategy to avoid bingeing that was taught in my treatment center was the use of coping skills.  They could be anything you like to do to distract from the urge to use symptoms (in my case, bingeing).  I typically read, listened to music, wrote in my journal or did counted cross stitching.  After months of invoking coping skills to avoid binges, I realized that using coping skills, while mostly effective, was more “muscling” and “willing” my binges away instead of identifying the root cause to decrease or eliminate them.  I realize that getting to the root cause can take time so coping skills are a good short-term tool to deal with the urges.  I use coping skills to tackle binge urges but very rarely because I prefer to rely on intuitive and mindful eating.  I’ve also realized that my binge urges are cluing me into something about my emotional state so I don’t want to “will” them away but meet them head on to figure out what’s going on in the moment.