In last Saturday’s post I encouraged you to discover what’s blocking your flow. I did the exercise and realized that my denial goes much deeper than I thought and wrote about back in March (check out that post) and that is what’s blocking my flow. In the post, I mention that, during the most severe phase of my eating disorder, I was in denial but this weekend’s exercise proved I only looked at the surface of that denial. So, to try and “unblock” myself, I took in a good dose of reality about situations where I was blind to what was really happening in relationships, with work and, most importantly, with my body.
Have you ever really looked at your body (naked and in the mirror)? I know, it’s a totally scary thing to do! Well, I really looked at mine this weekend and saw my reality and the resulting feelings ranged from sadness, confusion, pain, regret and, finally, to acceptance. I wondered…who is this woman and how did she become the way she is and looks? The answer is that I am NOT my body and my identity is not tied to my outer layer but to my inner core. I still have feelings of anxiety about my weight and appearance but, when I faced it and accepted the reality of it, the anxiety almost went away entirely!
My mentor, Marc David teaches us to “love what is” but you can only do that when you know the reality of “what is”? I challenge you to look…really look…at your life and your body to find out “what is” because only then can you accept and unblock your flow.
It is extremely hard for overweight people to look in the mirror. I have not had mirrors in my house for years. I finally put one 3 years ago, it is a medium size mirror which only allows you to look at your top body parts.
By not looking at myself, I have put myself in total denial, but it was the only way to bear with my emotional sufferrings. And even though a lot of Eastern beliefs identify our bodies as temporary vests, we still create one whole. In order to make a progress in eating it is to accept the way we look, however, it seems unbearable and extremely painful to live with what our bodies are like for today.