Fear…it’s such a strong emotion yet is sometimes so elusive that it’s difficult to detect within ourselves.  I don’t consider myself a fearful person, after all, I’ve traveled the world by myself, moved across the country (without a job!) and will try almost anything once.  But, through my transformation, I have discovered that my fears are intangible.  They are about allowing myself to capture true joy, nourishment, peace and happiness.  I hold back from smiling as big as I want and talk myself out of taking actions that are good for me.

If the first step is identifying the emotions and reason(s) behind them, I’m well on my way to becoming fearless in all ways tangible and intangible!

I had to fast for a medical test the other day which turned out to be an interesting experiment.  Not being able to eat all day really brought out my eating disorder – I wanted to eat the whole house and was planning the binge food I was going to buy when I could eat.  You see, every restriction throws a binge-eater into a binge and this was no exception.  However, I didn’t act upon my planned binge.  I have noticed that the anticipation of the binge is more powerful for me than the actual activity of the binge.  Is the anticipation a result of habit or do I really have the emotional and physical urge?

Since I’ve been binge-free since April 2013.  I still plan binges but, interestingly enough, don’t act upon them when the time comes.  I’m not sure why this is but I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth!  Maybe when the time comes for the binge, my body wisdom guides me to nourish instead of gorge.

I have used Dove soap for years and years and years and feel “icky” if I use another brand!  Not only do I love the soap, I love their mission which is to promote self-esteem among girls.  They have reached 11 million girls so far and have great tools on their website to help parents guide their daughters to creating healthy self-esteem and their own definition of real beauty.  I think this is an amazing mission and hope you’ll check out their website:

http://www.dove.us/Our-Mission/Girls-Self-Esteem/default.aspx

It’s so wonderful to watch an animal, because an animal has no opinion about itself.  It is.

~Eckhart Tolle

I’ve had many psychic readings over the years (hey, don’t judge!) and was speaking about one in particular last night.  The person to whom I was speaking said that the intuitive we had both seen was extremely accurate but I disagreed.  The only thing I remember from that reading was that she predicted I would become a size 6 (I was on Weight Watchers at the time).  Well, I never made it to a size 6.  This struck me because it spoke to my state of mind for many, many years – that I was constantly focused on my weight.  I realize now that I don’t want that to be my sole focus anymore.  As with so many of my blog entries….this is easier said than done.

Does how we treat ourselves affect the way others treat us?  If one neglects themselves, does that give silent permission to others to neglect us as well?  If we don’t trust ourselves, does that mean we attract those who are untrustworthy?  Is that what the law of attraction tells us?

If only I could lose weight.  If only I could stick to a diet, I’d lose weight.  If only the weather were nicer, I’d stick to my walk.  If only I looked better, my life would be more fulfilling.  If only, something would happen to make my life start.

If only I could “love what is,” I could lose weight, stick to a healthy eating and movement program and live a joyous and meaningful life…

I’ve gotten it in my head that I want to try a cleanse and I know I’m venturing into VERY dangerous territory.  You see, each food restriction or deprivation usually leads to a binge and a cleanse is just that.  It doesn’t make for a very good recipe (pardon the pun!).  I just can’t help thinking that it would be a good experiment.  Can I stick to it?  Will it throw me into a binge?  Will I feel better, more nourished?

I’m leaning toward foregoing it but I still have this lingering attraction to give it a try…

I’ve been in a pattern where I haven’t been eating very well.  I haven’t been bingeing so that is GREAT news but I haven’t been eating in a balanced way.  Instead of beating myself up about it (or bingeing about it!), I’m going to learn from it.  I know that I want to make a change because I’ve noticed that my digestion is off and that I’m not feeling nourished.  So, I’m going to listen to my body wisdom and start eating in a more balanced way to feel better.  Hopefully, the healthier body shape will follow!

“Why do you put your self esteem in the hands of complete strangers?”

~Helena Bonham Carter

I don’t think this quote needs commentary as much as it needs profound thought.

Enjoy, live and love!

xoxo, Michelle