If only I could lose weight. If only I could stick to a diet, I’d lose weight. If only the weather were nicer, I’d stick to my walk. If only I looked better, my life would be more fulfilling. If only, something would happen to make my life start.
If only I could “love what is,” I could lose weight, stick to a healthy eating and movement program and live a joyous and meaningful life…
During treatment, we focused a lot on identifying “triggers.” A “trigger” is an event, emotion or situation that prompts or causes a binge. In completing those exercises, I realized that one of my biggest triggers was work. I loved the work that I was doing running outpatient cancer clinics but the resulting stress was slowly killing my spirit.
But, how could I quit my job? This had been my career for 20 years! How would I live? What would I do? These were the pivotal questions for which I needed to do some soul-searching.
I’ve gotten it in my head that I want to try a cleanse and I know I’m venturing into VERY dangerous territory. You see, each food restriction or deprivation usually leads to a binge and a cleanse is just that. It doesn’t make for a very good recipe (pardon the pun!). I just can’t help thinking that it would be a good experiment. Can I stick to it? Will it throw me into a binge? Will I feel better, more nourished?
I’m leaning toward foregoing it but I still have this lingering attraction to give it a try…
I’ve been in a pattern where I haven’t been eating very well. I haven’t been bingeing so that is GREAT news but I haven’t been eating in a balanced way. Instead of beating myself up about it (or bingeing about it!), I’m going to learn from it. I know that I want to make a change because I’ve noticed that my digestion is off and that I’m not feeling nourished. So, I’m going to listen to my body wisdom and start eating in a more balanced way to feel better. Hopefully, the healthier body shape will follow!
“Why do you put your self esteem in the hands of complete strangers?”
~Helena Bonham Carter
I don’t think this quote needs commentary as much as it needs profound thought.
Enjoy, live and love!
xoxo, Michelle
My brilliant friend posted this comment:
“I’ve come to realize that the pursuit of perfection is a coping skill in and of itself…if I spend time trying to fix everything, organize everything, schedule everything, plan everything, control what others think of me, etc…I don’t have to look too closely at what is really bothering me.”
I never thought about the pursuit of perfection being a coping skill but I think she’s on to something! Seeking perfectionism accomplishes two things. One, it distracts us from the need to look inward and, two, it distracts others from looking too closely. If everything is “perfect” we fool ourselves, and others, into thinking that we’re emotionally OK. Too bad this seldom works long term because seeking perfectionism sets us up to fail…perfectly.
Did you ever look back on life’s events and disappointments and wonder how it all happened or how it managed to work out? There have been many times in my life where I was so bummed that something didn’t go the way I’d planned but, inevitably, I was always glad that things turned out the way they did. It makes me think that there is a larger force in the Universe that is looking out for me and pulling the right strings at exactly the right time. That faith has gotten me through some tough times and hasn’t failed me yet!
Sometimes I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect and do the right thing, that I forget to be in the moment and enjoy life. It leads me to feeling trapped and dejected because the expectation to be perfect inevitably leads to my core belief that “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not doing enough” to meet my goals. No one is perfect or can be perfect. Perfection is an unrealistic expectation so why does it feel so crappy to fall short?
During treatment I saw a therapist every week. To this day, I can’t remember a thing we talked about, I just know I cried a lot and she quickly drilled down to my sensitive core issues. I’m sure the sessions had a positive affect so I really wish I could remember them!
It’s National Eating Disorder Awareness Week!
More people than you think are walking around with eating disorders. It’s a difficult existence because not only do we struggle with food and body image constantly but most of us show our pain outwardly through the shape of our bodies. Unfortunately, most people think it’s just a matter of eating more food (for anorexics or bulimics) or about eating less and exercising more (for bingers) to heal. If it were that easy, we wouldn’t need an Eating Disorder Awareness week.
For more information on Eating Disorders, check out:
www.neda.org ~or~ www.beda.org