People with eating disorders often use symptoms (i.e. bingeing) to numb or avoid their feelings.  Because of this, once the decision is made to stop the behavior, the feelings creep in.  It is one of the most terrifying and uncomfortable situations I have ever experienced.  What’s worse is that I was so out of practice identifying feelings that I couldn’t react to, work through or deal with them.  Where would I begin if I didn’t know what they were?

So, most of my treatment has centered around identifying feelings so I can mull them over and decide to act on them or not.  Luckily, I’m getting better at it!  I was faced with a complex situation and, after analyzing my feelings, I identified that there were 2 things I needed to address.  One, was how someone else felt about my actions and the second was how I felt about my actions.  I spoke to the “someone else” about my feelings and found out that my conclusion about their feelings was wrong.  In fact, I was pleasantly surprised by the outcome of the conversation.  I processed my own feelings and made a decision about which I felt comfortable.

This accomplishment, which may be routine for others, was a breakthrough for me.  I actually feel like I handled my emotions maturely and discovered that addressing them wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be.  It makes me wonder why I was bingeing to escape them all these years??