Even looking back, I can’t fully identify why I shed so many tears that day and throughout my Day Treatment program. I was definitely overwhelmed with emotion I was unaccustomed to feeling since I stuffed them down with food for so long. I remember feeling relief that I wasn’t a failure because I couldn’t lose weight…I was diagnosed with and being treated for a legitimate disorder that prohibited me from doing so with conventional weight loss methods. It was reassuring that others were going through the same struggles I was but I was surprised to learn that not all women thought the same way I did about food and weight. I was embarrassed that I needed to have this treatment and ashamed that I was crying in front of strangers – I didn’t want anyone’s pity or to appear weak. I was also ashamed and embarrassed about my heavy weight. I know this is all paradoxical but my thoughts at that time were a little mixed up and all over the place! I guess that’s why I needed to be there so badly.
Poignant and powerful stuff